The Key to Loving Relationships

This morning Kurt and I were asking ourselves how much we have grown in the ten years we have been together. We have stability, we have a home where we can welcome guests, this is definitely a marker. We have primarily positive relationships with friends, family and community as well as each other. Another marker. We weren’t taking any of this granted as we had cautiously entered into the discussion, it was almost scary to start it. What if we had been exactly the same?

He made the explosive statement that we have is better than an orgasm!


Wow babe, that’s pretty good, I bet you wouldn’t have said that ten years ago. I guess we’re doing ok.

We do both share the belief that this is a spiritual journey and we have come closer to Goddess within and the God without. Or whatever words you choose to try and say the unsayable. The short of it is, we both feel more at peace regardless of shifting fortunes and aging bodies.

From the beginning, we have had meditation, silence and connection to source as the bedrock of our relationship. Our shared passion for Latin cinema, lazy days at the beach and travel is the fun stuff on top. Meditation is a forever thing for us. We have our teacher Sri Swami Satchidananda who although he has left the body and we never knew him in the flesh is a constant source of inspiration for us as well.

What I am trying to say is that the effort of the practice gives us the joy of our life. We have the fuel to view the bickering and problems as opportunity for continued growth and also to remember the beauty of what we have. We are equally yoked, we have a partner that we love and that we are compatible with. That’s a lot to be grateful for.

Here’s an extract from an article by Sri Swami Satchidananda in Integral Yoga Magazine. He’s talking about unconditional love in nature. I am not there yet that’s why I have him as a teacher. I hope you enjoy the article, you can read it in full by clicking on his name.

Om Shantí

Love is a feeling.  You cannot even put it in words.  You will know what love is if you really want to know.  Wanting to love itself is the beginning.  And then if you want to love you should know how to love.  Now, what is the meaning of love?  It’s not just attachment.  Real love means you think of the welfare of the beloved; you do everything for the sake of the others.  You keep on doing things for others.  If others do something for you in return, it’s all right, accept it gratefully.  But don’t look for it or have the expectation that you should be getting something.  Because if you look for it you are not loving unconditionally.  You have put a condition:  “Only if you love me in return or only if you do this and this and that and that I will love you.  Otherwise, I will not.”  That is conditional love.

All that we ever need to know about unconditional love can be learned from observing nature.  Everything in nature truly loves you.  It doesn’t look even for a thank you or a thank-you note from you.  Sometimes we exploit Mother Nature and yet she still loves us.  Look at what we are doing to the earth when we cut down all the trees and forests.  Even when we dig underground and explode bombs, the earth continues to support us.  Look at our skies and the ways in which we pollute the air.  Instead of being thankful to Mother Nature for giving us pure air to breathe we pollute the air.  Look at all the sewage and chemicals we dump into our waters.    And yet, given all the ways that we pollute our environment and our lack of gratitude to our Mother Nature, still she gives and gives.  If you throw a stone at a tree will that tree stop giving you fruit?  Have you heard any tree saying, “No, I will not give him or her fruit because they threw stones at me?”  There is a beautiful book that is called, “The Giving Tree.”  We can learn a lot from this book and from the nature.  Constant giving—that is what we see in nature.

Look at the sun, the wind, the water, the entire nature loves you without having any of its own expectations.  Nature is the pure expression of that unconditional love.  If you could really observe them, the trees seem to be saying,  “All right, you do whatever you want—throw a stone, or pour some water on me—that’s your business.  I will love you no matter what you do or who you are.”  That’s nature’s way.  A fruit loves you, a flower loves you, a plant loves you and it does so unconditionally.  If all the fruits are going to say, “I am going to be eaten only by the person who planted my tree and who poured water,” then none of us would get oranges, nor apples, nor bananas.

But thankfully that is not the love we see in nature and in so-called inanimate objects.  They are all love personified.  They don’t even consciously think that they are loving you.  They just are love, that’s  all.  I can give you the example of a lit candle.  The candle doesn’t think that it is giving light.  It is light.  The people who see the candlelight might say, “We are receiving light,” but the candle doesn’t even know that it is giving.  That’s what you call love.  It’s impossible to put it in words.  It’s a matter of feeling.

Mother Nature’s love is unconditional and that is what true love means.  No conditions whatsoever. 

Continue reading Integral Yoga Magazine - The Key to Loving Relationships

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